[Episode opens with scene of the general city area at night. The camera pans across the road, and then heads towards the front of a place called "Church Of the Shining Light". Inside, people are singing "I've got Joy in My Heart" as the camera pans inside the building. The people applaud and cheer as they finish the song, and the camera focuses on the Patient of the Week, Boyd, who is a faith healer, and the head of the congregation.]
Boyd: Do you feel the spirit?
[The crowd cheers even louder, then are seated.]
Boyd: And in the 39th year of his reign, Aesa was diseased in his feet until the disease was exceedingly great. Yet, he didn't seek help from the Lord, but from the physicians. Now there is nothing wrong with seeing a doctor. But can a doctor heal for the power that Jesus gave his disciples? Men of science can walk through life with blindfolds knowing that you or I could not take a single step if we were not uplifted by God.
[Boyd moves to stand in front of a lady with a walking frame. He places his right hand over her forehead.]
Boyd: Agnes, thank you for letting me be an instrument of God's love for you. [moves his hand away from her, then slowly pulls her walking frame away from her, moving it off to one side.]
Boyd: [steps back away from Agnes] In faith, all things are possible. My friends, I want you to let Agnes feel the wave of faith in this church here today, lifting her into God's hands.
[The crowd applauds and cheers.]
Boyd: You can do it. Come on, sister. [holds his hands out towards her, then begins to clap]
Agnes: [takes a few small tentative steps forward]
Boyd: Praise Jesus! Thank you God! Thank you, Lord! Thank you, L-- [Boyd begins to seize up. He grasps at the air above him and begins to go red in the face. The camera pans in on his chest area, which then shows his muscles tightening up and constricting. Boyd hunches over in pain. The crowd becomes quieter.]
Person: Is he all right?
Boyd: [sinks to his knees] No! [curls up on the floor]
[Boyd's Father, Walter, rushes over to him] What's wrong?
Boyd: Dad. I think I need a doctor. [passes out on the floor]
[Black out.]
[Cue to House MD Opening Sequence with Theme Song "Teardrop" by Massive Attack]
[Camera focuses on Entry Door to Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. House enters for the day, and removes his sunglasses. Wilson briskly walks over to him]
Wilson: Did you remember my DVD player?
House: Well if you wanted it, you shouldn't have left it behind when you moved out.
Wilson: No, I'll get it. It's a drag watching porn on VHS.
House: I'll call you as soon as I'm done with it. That's if you ever get a phone installed.
Wilson: Oh, forget it. I'll come by and get it myself, ah, after work, Thursday?
House: Won't be home Thursday.
Wilson: No problem. I still have a key, I can let myself in and out.
House: I guess maybe I could bring it in tomorrow. After all, how many times can you hit pause at the part where Lindsay Lohan plays the spelling bee? What is it about girls who can spell?
Wilson: It's a math contest.
House: What is it about girls who can count?
Wilson: It's poker night isn't it?
House: [glances away from him]
Wilson: You said weeks ago that I could play. Stop making excuses.
House: [walks into the elevator] Got to go - building full of sick people. If I can hurry, maybe I can avoid them.
[Cue to patient's room.]
Foreman: The abdominal series showed no evidence of obstruction. What did you have to eat?
Boyd: Chicken sandwich. We travel. Lots of fast food.
Cameron: [inserts a needle into his arm]
Boyd: Thank you. I barely felt it.
Cameron: You're welcome.
Boyd: God told me you were kind.
Cameron: You talk to God?
Walter: God's presence often descends on Boyd, they help him guide others.
Foreman: This been going on long?
Walter: Since he was ten.
Foreman: [curtly nods]
Boyd: God told me I would meet a woman healer who was harboring vengeful thoughts about a man she works with.
[Cameron looks rather stunned and momentarily glances at Foreman, who raises his eyebrows in response.]
Boyd: That's God's job.
Cameron: I'll... keep that in mind. [picks up a sample jar] His urine is dilute.
Walter: Ah, what does that mean?
Cameron: It could mean that for some reason his kidneys aren't purifying in the way they should, which would let toxins accumulate in his body. I'll run the blood work, and see what it tells us.
Boyd: Thank you. I appreciate it.
[Cue to House's Office area.]
House: God talks to him.
Chase: It's not psychosis, he's just religious. The only medical issue that showed up on the blood work is low sodium.
House: No - you talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you - you're psychotic.
Chase: A lot of people experience their religion as something more than symbolic. That doesn't mean that---
House: God ever talk to you when you were in the seminary?
Chase: [laughs]
House: [gives him a smug look]
Chase: No.
House: God's loss, our gain. He's either psychotic, or a scam artist.
Foreman: He was actually , uh, really impressive.
House: Well yeah, with the burning bush and all it's quite the show.
Cameron: He's intelligent, polite, dignified, he's not a typical 15 year old.
Foreman: And he told Cameron God wants her to stop being pissed at me over the article.
House: God knows you stole Cameron's article?
Foreman: He knows she's harboring vengeful thoughts.
Cameron: I'm over it.
House: Yeah. I can tell that from the Berlin wall of body language between you. I'm shocked that he picked up on it. Low sodium - check for Addison's?
Chase: No pigmentation and potassium levels were nominal.
House: Cirrhosis?
[Foreman: Liver feels fine. Trans and minasous were normal.]
House: [sighs] We should monitor his saline intake to correct the low sodium. No more than one MEQ per liter per hour. Let's push the patient history to see if there's any evidence of drugs or other delusions.
Chase: You're going to talk to a patient?
House: God talks to him. It would be arrogant of me to assume that I'm better than God.
[Cue to Patient's room. House slides the door open.]
House: So. You're a faith healer. Or is that a pejorative? Do you prefer something like "divine health management"? I thought God might have mentioned I was coming.
Boyd: I'm OK with 'Faith Healer', Doctor House.
House: Oh... That's a nice one. You didn't even go with 'I see an H in a medical coat'.
Boyd: The nurses talk about you a lot.
House: Ah, don't believe them - I keep a sock in my pants. Faith - that's another word for ignorance, isn't it? I never understood how people could be so proud of believing in something they have no proof of at all. Like that's an achievement.
Boyd: God's asking for our trust. You can't love somebody and not trust them.
House: Trust has to be earned. You can't trust someone hiding in a closet.
Boyd: You don't trust anyone.
House: You seem elusive. There's no confusion, no lethargy. What drugs have you been taking?
Boyd: Nothing. Ah, Some aspirin, I... get focused on something, I forget to eat, next thing you know I've got a hunger headache.
House: So aspirin and hospitals are OK. That's an interesting attitude for someone who's keep any number of people from getting medical help.
Boyd: Just because I believe in prayer, doesn't mean I don't believe in germs and toxins.
[Walter re-enters the room and hands a bottle of water to Boyd.]
House: That bottle's been open before. You refilled it at the water cooler.
Walter: Yes.
House: How often do you do that?
Walter: A few times an hour, he likes to stay hydrated.
House: [looks rather intrigued]
Walter: You think germs have gotten in?
House: I think water might have gotten in.
[The camera pans across the sky in an aerial shot of the hospital. The camera cues to the inside of Wilson's office.]
Wilson: We can adjust your pain meds.
Grace: Again.
Wilson: Suppose we increase your oxycodone.
Grace: We both know the only reason I'm talking with this to you now, is because I did not take my full dose this morning.
Wilson: [Folds his arms]
Grace: You've done your best. And I've been a good soldier. It's time we accept it's over.
Wilson: What about the trip you were talking about taking. You've wanted to see Florence since you were a teenager, right?
Grace: Yeah, I'll go now all drugged up. It's not exactly the trip I've been dreaming of.
Wilson: Okay. But you're strong. You're dealing with this. And there is the right combination of pain meds out there. And we'll find it. Don't give up on us. And don't be startled by the sound you're about to hear.
House: [bashes on Wilson's glass door]
Wilson: Excuse me. I have a friend with boundary issues.
[Wilson gets to his feet, opens the door and goes outside to meet with House]
Wilson: Can this wait five minutes?
House: Is she dying?
Wilson: Yeah.
House: Before the end of this consult?
Wilson: They could build monuments to your self-centeredness.
House: Patient, 15 year old, faith healer. Hot line to God.
Wilson: What are his symptoms?
House: He is not a saint. He figures out what's going on in people's lives by watching, listening, deducing.
Wilson: And you're worried about trademark infringement?
House: Then he passes on advice from God so he can watch them jump. It's a power trip.
Wilson: Oh, and there the similarities end. Why is he here?
House: I fear for the human race. A teenager claims to be the voice of God and people with advanced degrees are listening.
Wilson: The majority of Americans believe in a personal God. What are his symptoms?
House: Massive cramps, low sodium. It turns out he's been drinking water non-stop, God told him to purify his body.
Wilson: Huge water intake would cause low sodium.
House: Which would cause the cramping, yeah, I get it.
Wilson: What, that's it? You solved it. You just brought me out here to rant because faith annoys you?
House: Mmm-hmm. He's all better. You know I get it, people are just looking for a way to fill the holes. But they want the holes, they want to live in the holes. And they go nuts when somebody else pours dirt in their holes. [yells out to nobody in particular] Climb out of your holes, people!
Wilson: [silently heads back into his office]
[The camera pans down and in on Boyd, who is fast asleep. He is expressionless as his eyes open.]
[Cue camera to Princeton Plainsboro hospital halls. Boyd slowly walks out of his room, singing. He heads down the hallway. The camera shows us that from his perspective, the image he sees is blurry. He continues to sing, becoming louder as he walks down the hallway, people pass by him. He moves to stand in front of an indoor water fountain and raises his hands up towards it, singing loudly now.]
Chase: [walks up to him] Boyd, you alright?
Boyd: [continues to loudly sing]
Chase: [places a hand on his left shoulder] Boyd.
Boyd: [stops singing and becomes silent]
Chase: Come on. [places his hand back on Boyd's shoulder and begins trying to lead him away] Let's go, can you tell me your name? Do you know where you are? Boyd?
Boyd: [from his perspective, the image he sees is blurry, except for Grace, whom is walking down the hallway]
Chase: Boyd?
Boyd: God doesn't want you to be afraid.
Grace: [stops walking and looks at him]
Boyd: He sent me here to heal you. You think he hasn't heard your prayers, but he heard all of them, even the ones you didn't say. [grasps onto her hands]
Chase: Sorry. Boyd, come on, let's get you back to your room.
Boyd: [to Grace] In faith, all things are possible.
Chase: Let's go.
Boyd: [places his right hand on Grace's forehead] Lord, I call on you to relieve the suffering of your daughter.
Wilson: [from the other end of the hallway] Grace?
Boyd: And make her whole again.
Wilson: Hey! Hey, what are you doing? What is this?
Chase: He's just had a complex partial seizure, he's disoriented, he doesn't know what he's doing.
Wilson: Well get him back to his room. Now.
[Chase leads Boyd away.]
Wilson: [to Grace] You OK?
Grace: [slowly nods]
[Cue to House's Office area.]
Cameron: Are we even certain he had a seizure? Hymn singing and healing, he does it all the time, doesn't he?
House: Isn't it interesting that religious behavior is so close to being crazy we can't tell it apart.
Chase: The repetition, the lack of affect and awareness, it was a seizure.
Cameron: Infection?
Foreman: No fever.
Cameron: It could be Wilson's. Or maybe it's a glycogen storage disease.
Foreman: Or brain tumor.
Chase: Tubular sclerosis.
House: Hmm. How to settle this. We could ask our patient to ask God, or we could MRI his brain. Which way do you want to go? Because, I'm open to all---
Wilson: [yells] House! Why the hell did you let an unstable patient wander the hallways?!
House: His leash broke.
Wilson: The last thing a terminal cancer patient needs is to hear somebody taunt them with a cure, she was freaked, she was angry...
House: And now she's not freaked and angry and you are.
Wilson: She says she's feeling better. Maybe not singing and dancing, but she's feeling just a little happy for the first time in months.
House: A sudden drop in pain can create euphoria. You should let her have her vacation.
Wilson: Oh, that's great. And when vacation's over, when she crash lands from all this denial, she was dealing with her illness. Now her expectations are rising. And you're not the one that has to be there when all that false hope gets yanked out from under her.
[Wilson turns and walks out of the room. Foreman glances up at House, Cameron and Chase both look at him as well. House glances back at them]
House: Don't you guys have anything to do?
[Cameron and Chase, and Foreman exit.]
[Camera cuts to MRI Machine area.]
Chase: How long have you been healing people?
Boyd: You believe that's what I'm doing?
Chase: I'd like to.
Boyd: But you don't. [pauses] Why do you always do things you don't want to do?
Chase: [just watches him]
Boyd: It's OK, I don't expect a real answer.
[Chase nods in response, while Boyd lies down on the MRI sliding table. Chase presses a button on the console and the table slides into the machine.]
[The camera moves to the safe area behind the glass in the MRI room.]
Foreman: God would probably want you to take the stick out of your butt and get over this.
Cameron: If there is some higher order running the universe, it's probably so different from anything our species can conceive there's no point in our even thinking about it. But I doubt He gives a damn about my butt.
Foreman: You believe God might exist, but you don't think about it? It's the most important issue---
Cameron: I think penguins might as well speculate about nuclear physics, why are we having this conversation?
Foreman: What? I'm curious.
Cameron: You cannot tell someone they're a colleague and not a friend, then casually chat about the afterlife.
[Cue to House's Office area. House walks over to his whiteboard, carrying a cup of coffee. He stops in front of the whiteboard, and the camera reveals that he is keeping score. House has a column on one side of the board and currently one point, while God has a column on the other side, and two points.]
House: [grins in amusement at the board, then walks over to the sink]
Boyd: [enters House's office] You actually keep score?
House: [pours coffee] Your MRI results aren't done yet. Go back to your room. No singing.
Boyd: Well, you would get a point for figuring why the low sodium. What are my guy's points for?
House: Your trick about the spat between Dr Cameron and Dr Foreman apparently impressed someone.
Boyd: And the second point?
House: [ignores him and reaches to grab a stirring stick for his coffee]
Boyd: You think it could be because I healed Grace? She came back to see me. I like her.
House: You like messing with people. That's why you're here now. Now maybe you think that your batteries are powered by God, maybe you don't. Either way, you enjoy what you do.
Boyd: Yes. I like helping people. I get a rush when I see the look on their faces when they realize their burdens are gone.
House: Hmm, which makes sure you're in the next state by the time the endorphins wear off, and the arthritis comes back.
Boyd: That doesn't happen.
House: Oh, you do extensive follow up studies?
Boyd: God told me.
House: Hmm, I see. That's not fair. We were having fun! It's hard to keep sniping rationally when you throw a bomb like that in there.
Boyd: He spoke with me about you too.
House: Forgive my enemies, never date a tourist when Mercury is in retrograde. Yeah, I learned that one myself, the hard way.
Boyd: God says you look for excuses to be alone.
House: See, that is exactly the kind of brilliance that sounds deep, but you can say that about any person who doesn't pine for the social approval of everyone he meets, which you were cleverly able to deduce about me by not being a moron. Next time tell God to be more specific.
Boyd: God wants you to invite Dr Wilson to your poker game.
[House glances up at Boyd, who grins and leaves the room]
[Cue to Cafeteria area. Wilson is at one of the tables, eating. House enters the area and walks across to him]
House: Don't talk to my patient.
Wilson: What are you talking about?
House: You get all huffy when my patient stumbles into yours in the hallway, but you've got no qualms about chatting my guy up.
Wilson: This is fun, it's like Password. Keep talking, I'll jump in when I get a clue what the hell you're talking about.
House: God knows about my poker game.
Wilson: You think I told him?
House: Either that or I start going to Church every Sunday. That would mess with my bowling league.
Wilson: House, aside from yelling at him to get back to his room, I've never spoken to your patient.
[House and Wilson exchange glances for a few moments, then House leaves once again]
[Cue to the safe area in the MRI room.]
Chase: The MRI shows an abnormal area.
House: Tubular sclerosis.
Foreman: It's the right neighborhood.
Chase: Accounts for all the symptoms.
House: All of them.
Foreman: Bleeding cortical tumors identifiable. We can do the surgery.
House: Tell our patient congratulations. Soon his chats with God will be a thing of the past. [gives himself another point on the Whiteboard] That's how he goes to the mortal.
[Cue the hallways of Princeton Plainsboro Hospital. Grace is leaving Boyd's patient room. Wilson is standing in the foreground area, appearing to be waiting for her.]
Wilson: Did you know the Catholic Church keeps a doctor at Lordes? He hears the same thing every day. But out of the thousands of cases of people who have claimed to feel better, the Catholic Church has only recognized a handful as miracles.
Grace: But they do recognize a handful.
Wilson: Well, they're a church. It's what they do.
Grace: Look. For the past couple of years the world's been getting smaller. Eight months, six months. I watch a trailer for a movie and I think 'Am I going to be here when that comes out?' Maybe there still is a rise in hope there. You know, maybe, maybe I can make plans for a year from now. Two years. I like the view.
Wilson: The view is a lie, and if you believe it, you're going to crash so hard. [shakes his head] Let me take new images of your liver.
Grace: You can't accept that it could be true.
Wilson: Well if it is true, you shouldn't be afraid of proving it.
[Cue to Boyd's patient room.]
Foreman: Tubular sclerosis is a genetic disorder. It causes small benign tumors to grow in various parts of the body, in this case, the brain.
Walter: You said benign.
Foreman: They probably are but benign or not, they're not in a good location. We need to remove them.
Walter: You're talking brain surgery?
Chase: His symptoms are getting worse, which means the tumors are growing. The surgery will correct it all, the chemical imbalance, the seizures, the auditory hallucinations---
Walter: Hallucinations?
Foreman: Without the surgery, it's just going to get worse, it might even be fatal. With the surgery your son should be a normal 15 year old boy.
Boyd: I'm not normal.
[Cue to the Cafeteria area.]
House: [snatches Wilson's tub of yogurt] I need you to talk to my patient. I'll get this one.
Wilson: Why do I have the feeling you're plotting world domination?
House: Moses is refusing surgery. You have a gift. People thank you for telling them that they're going to die.
Wilson: If I can get him to agree to agree to surgery, I want in on the poker game.
House: You would let this kid die just to get into a stupid game?
Dr. Wilson: You'd let him die just to keep me out?
[Cue to Boyd's patient room. House and Wilson enter.]
Wilson: Hi. I'm Dr Wilson.
Boyd: I knew they'd send somebody else.
House: That God has a big mouth.
Wilson: House! [to Boyd] Can I ask why you don't want the tumors removed?
Boyd: God put them there for a reason.
House: You think God needs a telephone in your head to talk to you? Isn't he everywhere? It's not a long distance call, is it?
Boyd: This is the way God does things. The natural law, if he went around doing big flashy miracles all the time, nobody would need faith.
House: How come everyone else needs faith, but you just get the guy who's screaming his existence in your ear? [pauses] Your turn.
Wilson: Do you think God wants you to die?
Walter: This is the way the Lord often is with his chosen ones. He, he, gives the most trials to those that he loves the most.
House: Wow, sweet. You abdicate your authority. Avoid those tricky parental issues like whether to let him drive at sixteen, just let him die at fifteen.
Wilson: So you believe is, um, a saint. The way I understand it, one of the hallmarks of a saint is humility. Someone with true humility would consider the possibility that God hadn't chosen him for that kind of honor. He'd consider the possibility that he just had an illness.
[Cue to Princeton Plainsboro Hospital hallways. House and Wilson have left the patient's room and are now walking elsewhere.]
House: You have a gift for manipulation.
Wilson: I listen, I have an actual conversation with people. Which shockingly does raise the odds that they'll be co-operative.
House: That's what I'm saying. You read that kid, then manipulated the hell out of him.
Wilson: [sighs]
House: Bring pretzels.
[Cue to House's house. House is playing his piano.]
[a knocking sound can be heard at the front door]
House: I know that knock. Use your key, I'm not getting up.
[House continues to play the piano. Wilson unlocks the door and enters the house.]
House: The game's not until tomorrow night. And those aren't pretzels.
Wilson: I took some images of Grace Polmurin's cancer.
House: Yeah?
Wilson: The tumors shrunk.
House: [stops playing his piano] Don't tell my patient.
[Black out.]
[Cue to Princeton Plainsboro Hospital hallways. House is walking up to the administration desk, Chase is leaning against it.]
House: I want all the records on miracle woman. Every test, every treatment she's ever had, every question she's ever answered in this hospital. Anything except for previous doctors, go back to neonatal if you have to. [House glances into Boyd's patient room, noticing that Grace and Boyd are in there having a conversation] Which part of 'keep them away from each other' confused you?
Chase: They're friends. She thinks he saved her life.
House: Now we've obligingly offered medical proof that his delusions are true.
Cuddy: They've withdrawn permission for the surgery. I put the lawyers on it. Her tumor shrank?
House: I'm on it. [to Chase] Tell Jesus that we need another 24 hours to normalize the sodium level.
Chase: It's already normalized.
House: Actually, tell Joseph. [points his cane in the direction of Boyd's father] Jesus will know you're lying. And I want you and Foreman and Cameron to go over every line of every file on that woman.
Chase: Isn't he the one we're supposed to save?
House: The only way to save him is to prove that she is still dying.
[Cue to House's Office area.]
Chase: MRI machine checks out.
Foreman: Maybe the radiologist mischarted which machine they used.
Chase: I checked both. This is insane, we're diagnosing a recovery.
Cameron: What about six months ago? Maybe there was a malfunction on her reform pictures, some shadow that made the tumor look bigger than it really was. I'll see what I can find out.
Foreman: Maybe it's a delayed effect from radiation. Sometimes it could take a while.
Chase: She hasn't had radiation for six months.
Foreman: Here!
Chase: Nowhere. Her records---
Foreman: There's about a dozen appliances in every home that gives off radiation.
Chase: Those machines wouldn't hurt a hamster if it was tied to the machine for a year.
Foreman: If the machine is operating properly.
Chase: Sometimes remissions just happen.
Foreman: [sighs] You think House will just shrug and say that if one of us doesn't check the home?
[Chase Exits.]
[Cut to MRI Safe room. Cameron inspects and goes over scans from Grace. Camera dissolves to reveal Chase, who is in Grace's House and scanning radioactive sensing equipment over appliances within the kitchen area. Shot dissolves to Foreman who is in House's office area and going through a large number of papers. Camera dissolves again to House, who is seated in front of his piano in his house. His poker game is in session and he and his friends are seated around a table with cards and poker chips.]
House: Kings on nines.
[Everybody folds. House collects his won chips. Wilson enters through the front door.]
House: Wilson! This is Dry Cleaner. Tax Accountant. Guy from the bus stop. This is Wilson.
Dry Cleaner: How come he gets a name?
House: Seniority.
Wilson: Hello.
[Cut back to Grace's home area. Chase is inspecting Grace's medicine bottles. The phone rings, and the camera cuts back to House.]
House: Find anything?
Chase: Do you have any idea how many electrical devices give off radiation?
House: All of them.
Chase: I'll be here all night.
House: Everybody's a whiner. Be a doer, not a me too'er. [to his poker group] Raise.
Bus Stop Guy: I'm out.
Chase: There's at least four different types of pain pills here, and an LED device.
Wilson: I'll raise your raise.
House: Keep looking. [closes the phone, hanging it up, then sits there thinking for a moment] Fold.
[His poker buddies laugh.]
Dry Cleaner: You were bluffing. He knew you were bluffing. Your luck's changing tonight.
Wilson: So did they find anything? Or are you going to have to accept the fact that every now and then, remissions happen?
[House silently leans back in his chair and folds his arms. Camera cuts back to Chase, who is now using the radiation monitoring equipment to scan the lights, the television, and then the closet. He discovers men's shirts and ties in there. Camera cues back to the poker game. House's phone rings. He picks up.]
House: [sighs] This call had better be worth my time.
Chase: This is what happens when it's not our patient. We don't know enough.
House: That's why you're there.
Chase: She's got a boyfriend.
House: Well, unless you think he's radioactive...
Chase: He could show up at any minute! The honor of working for you is not worth a felony charge.
House: Give me a minute. [throws more chips onto the table]
Bus Stop Guy: I'm saying the odds of you having a Straight Flush are pretty low. [places his own chips on the table]
[Camera cuts back to Grace's home. The shadow of a person appears nearby the front door, Chase notices them and quickly dashes into the next room to hide.]
Chase: House!
[The sound of keys clinking can be heard. The camera shifts back to the poker game, and focuses on House's cards, then on Wilson. The other occupants around the table watch him.]
Wilson: I'll fold.
Drycleaner: Fold.
Tax Accountant: Fold.
Bus Stop Guy: I'm screwed, aren't I?
[The camera shifts back to Grace's home. The shadow fumbles with keys for another moment, and then enters the apartment next door. The camera once again returns to the poker game as House flips over his last card, revealing that his hand was a Straight Flush. The occupants at the card table laugh.]
House: Nine bucks for a Straight Flush.
[House scoops up his poker chips. The occupants around the card table continue to chuckle.]
House: [picks up his phone again] He's not coming home. Relax. [shuts his phone again] There's nothing in this universe that can't be explained. Eventually. Take this game. Only two people knew that you wanted in on it. I didn't tell him.
Wilson: I told you, I didn't tell him.
House: Why would you? About the only he's person getting intimate and all conversational with is your cancer chick. How would she know? The subject of my poker game isn't likely to come up with in the course of a patient interview. No, that's the kind of thing that you mention to someone that you're used to sharing the details of your day with.
Wilson: Don't.
House: A Rabbi, guidance counselor, parent? She's not your mom, is she?
Wilson: I'm seriously saying, don't.
House: You've been having sex.
Wilson: This is so not the place.
House: With our miracle woman.
[Cue to House's office area. Cameron and Foreman are seated at the table and going over notes.]
Walter: Excuse me, may I... may I talk to you?
Cameron: Of course.
Walter: Um... Boyd's getting dressed, he's ready to check out.
Cameron: He... can't check out without your permission.
Foreman: His sodium level still isn't normal.
Walter: I told him, he said that God said it was OK. He was fine. [pauses] Could you talk to him?
[Cut to House's home area.]
Wilson: Tell them my name isn't Wilson.
House: Most people in your situation just have their careers to worry about. You got that, and combined retribution.
Wilson: Tell them.
House: Tell them what happened, tell them whatever you want.
Wilson: She'd had a bad day, pain wise. Her ride didn't show up to take her home.
House: So you offered?
Wilson: Yeah. She didn't have any groceries. She was too sick to go out, and I figured I could afford to take a half hour and pick her up a few things, and...
House: Stay, and make sure she's OK.
Wilson: Yeah.
House: And never leave. You told me you got an apartment. But you moved in with her. You lied to me. [yells out to the next room] His name is not Wilson, and he's screwed up worse than I am.
Wilson: Okay, yes. I lied to you, I'm sorry.
House: Half the doctors who specialize in oncology turned into burned out cases, but you. You eat neediness.
Wilson: Lucky for you. [To the group in the next room as he walks through to the door] Thanks for the game guys, I don't think I'll be coming back.
House: [follows] You're a functional vampire. Sure you're heroic, useful to society, but only because it feeds you.
[Wilson slams the door.]
House: There's nothing worth stealing, so don't even look. [opens the front door and follows Wilson out onto the street] You don't just have a fetish for needy people, you marry them.
Wilson: [throws his hands into the air] Here we go.
House: You mean it! And then time passes and suddenly they're not so needy any more. Your fault. You've been there for them too much, they're getting healthy, independent. And that's just ugly. God, you must be pissed at God right now, making her all happy.
Wilson: Why are you doing this?
House: Because you're being stupid.
Wilson: [laughs]
House: You know what you're risking by sleeping with a patient.
Wilson: Oh, that's crap. You're not mad because I'm risking my job. You're not even mad because I lied to you. You're mad because I lied to you and you couldn't tell.
House: Yeah. You got me nailed.
Wilson: Yeah, that's why you didn't want me in your poker game. Because when it comes to being in control, Gregory House leaves our faith healer kid in the dust. And that's why religious belief annoys you. Because if the universe operates by abstract rules you can learn them, you can protect yourself. If a Supreme Being exists he can squash you any time he wants.
House: He knows where I am.
[The sound of a ringing cell phone is heard. Wilson and House check their pockets.]
Wilson: I think it's yours.
House: [finds his phone and opens it] Yeah. [slowly nods, quiet] I'll be right there. [pauses] Jesus is spiking a fever. He's delusional.
Wilson: Tubular sclerosis doesn't cause a fever.
House: I know.
Wilson: I'll drive.
[Cut to House's office area. It is night time outside, the hospital is mostly dark for the night. House, Wilson and Foreman are in the area, discussing.]
House: Pick any random guy off the street, bring him in here, examine him exhaustibly and you will find at least three things wrong with him. This kid has tubular sclerosis, a mild case.
Cameron: But his tumors are growing.
House: We assumed that the tumors are growing because he's getting sicker. But he could have grown old and died and never known about them if he hadn't come here. We were looking for something that's more or less in the right part of the brain. It's like we found someone standing over a dead body holding a gun. We arrested them, didn't look any further. Well sometimes, people really do just stumble into a murder scene.
Foreman: His fever's 103 and rising. If we don't do anything, he's going to be chatting with God face to face real soon.
House: He would still come from a long term underlying condition. He's a garden variety religious nut who happens to have an infection. It's lumbar puncture time.
[Cut to Patient's room.]
Boyd: No. No, God told me no more of man's medicine. If we have faith in him, he'll make me well.
Cameron: It's just a test. We just want to find out what's wrong.
Boyd: God knows what's wrong, God will take care of it.
Foreman: [to Walter] He's delirious, and he's a minor. This is your decision, not his.
Boyd: [mumbling] The kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field which when a man finds, he hides, and in his joy, he goes and sells all that he has, and buys that field.
Foreman: Buy all the land you want, don't blow your brains out. [to Walter] You're watching your son kill himself! He's out of his mind with fever--
Boyd: Dad! If your faith is weak, I will fail. I need you.
Walter: [sighs] I'm sorry. You don't even know what's wrong with him. God knows the answer. And I would rather leave it in his hands than yours.
[Cut to the Hospital Hallways. House walks along the corridor and stops as he sees Wilson at the other end of a waiting room area, standing in front of a vending machine containing fruit.]
House: Wilson!
Wilson: [looks up at him from the vending machine]
House: I need you to do your thing.
[The camera cuts to them walking out of the elevator.]
Wilson: You do know that I don't actually have magical powers.
House: I have faith.
Wilson: You're better off trying to slip some antibiotics into a meal---
House: Which antibiotics? We don't know what infection he's got.
Wilson: Go as broad as you can.
House: Forget it. Our best hope is your silver tongue.
Wilson: What if it's not an infection?
House: Were you not paying attention when I was doing my murder scene metaphor?
Wilson: What if the tubular sclerosis is guilty? It had the gun in it's hand. It was standing---
House: Doesn't cause fever.
Wilson: It causes everything else. What if the fever is the innocent bystander? Fever could have been set off by something he picked up anywhere, maybe even a bug he got here.
House: Or a bug he gave here. [pauses] He gave it to your patient. That's why her tumor shrank, the virus went after the cancer first.
Wilson: Are you saying a virus attacked your tumor?
House: For two hundred years, there were reports of wild viruses that target tumors. Early 1900s an Italian medical journal wrote up a woman with cervical cancer who was injected with a weak strain of rabies, I've no idea why they did that, but her tumor shrank.
Wilson: You think he gave her rabies?
House: One of the virus types most prone to go after cancer cells is herpes.
Wilson: Herpes and cephalitis. It would fit. Seizure, low sodium, even the blurred vision. And it would mean if you're right, Grace's cancer is coming back. But you're not going to be able to convince them. They don't want any more tests, they don't wanna---
House: They can't argue with a market cane.
[Cut to patient's room]
Boyd: I'm not going to change my mind. No more tests. God knows the way.
House: [enters the room] Okay. Let's start with the shirt.
Boyd: What are you doing? [forces House away] What are you doing?
House: I'm on a mission from God. If you won't let me undress you, then strip.
Walter: What's he doing, what's going on?
House: That woman you helped, you gave her a virus.
Boyd: No, she's healed, I have a gift.
House: A gift is jewellery, socks. What you have is herpes and cephalitis. The only way you could have transmitted it is by scratching one of your own sores and touching another person.
Walter: Herpes, that's something you get from sex, right?
House: Either that, or cold sores. Your kid got it from the sex.
Boyd: No, no, no sores. No, my body's clean, they examined me when I came in, no sores. [struggles against House]
House: Herpes hides. When you have an outbreak it goes away, comes back, goes away, [pushes Boyd down] Strip. You didn't have a sore when you came in, but you've got one now.
Boyd: Dad, I've never, ever---
House: Did you ever wonder why a perfect child of God should feel so desperate to purify his body that he needed to scarf down a dozen gallons of water a day?
Walter: Boyd... is he right?
Boyd: Dad, no, he's crazy! Help me, I'm.. Doctor Wilson, help!
Wilson: God said no medicine, no procedures. Taking off your clothes doesn't count as either of those. [to Walter] This one's your call.
Walter: Son.
Boyd: Dad, we have to have faith in---
Walter: I have faith in the Lord. You, I trust... as much as you can trust a teenage boy. Take off your clothes.
[Boyd lies down on the bed and lifts up his shirt and pulls down his pants slightly, revealing a rather large red blotch mark on his back]
House: Relax. A few Hail Maries, a little cyclovir, you'll be picking up angels again in no time.
[House, Foreman and Wilson exit, leaving Walter in the room, with Boyd, who is face down on his bed, crying.]
[An aerial shot of Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital is shown. Camera cuts to House's office. Boyd knocks on the glass door. House looks up from his bookcase.]
House: Come in.
[Boyd opens the glass door and walks inside.]
Boyd: My father told me I have to apologize to you.
House: You're still hearing the voices?
Boyd: You're lucky. You go through life with the certainty that what you're doing is right. I know how comforting that is.
[House just watches him, saying nothing]
Boyd: Good luck.
[House subtly nods his head. Boyd leaves. The camera cuts to the whiteboard with the House / God scoreboard still on it.]
House: You're not going to give me my final point?
Chase: You knew it was me.
House: Who else?
Chase: [smirks, gets to his feet and gives House's side another point]
House: You don't think God should get a point knocked off?
Chase: The tumor shrank.
House: Because of a virus.
Chase: Do you know what the odds are? She had to have the right type of cancer, he had to have the right type of virus, the exposure---
House: She won the lottery.
Chase: You say she won the lottery, he says, miracle.
House: Yeah, the hand of God reached into this kid's pants, made him have sex so he could scratch a rash, stick his fingers in some woman's face, give her a few extra months. Ah, he's just another liar and manipulator.
Wilson: Well nobody's as perfect as you are. It is possible to believe in something and still fail to live up to it.
[House and Wilson exchange glances. Wilson leaves the office, House follows. Camera focuses on the whiteboard for a moment, before cutting to House and Wilson whom are leaving the hospital for the day]
House: So, how's your girlfriend.
Wilson: She got a little extra time out of this. Not a lot.
House: She didn't crash.
Wilson: No. She says she's happier when she believes in something bigger than she is.
House: She still believes.
Wilson: Faith. She's going to Florence.
House: Moving out?
Wilson: Yeah.
House: Moving back in with me?
Wilson: I don't think that's a great idea.
House: [nods] But we're OK.
Wilson: [grins, amused] House, you are... [pauses] as God made you.
[Wilson and House exit.]
Un jeune prêtre guérisseur s'écroule en plein office, victime de spasmes violents. Il venait tout juste de guérir une patiente paralysée des jambes, qui, sous l'apposition de ses mains, s'est remise à marcher. Les docteurs Cuddy et Foreman se chargent de soigner le guérisseur qu'ils soupçonnent d'avoir été empoisonné.
