Masters: Vagus. Accessory. Causes of edema: A.L.I.V.E. Allergic…
**
Masters: Differentials for swollen scrotum: T.H.E.A.T.R.E.S. English spelling. Torsion, hernia…
[In the kitchen she continues between mouthfuls of cereal.]
Masters: Epididymal cyst. S-syphilis.
[Donovan, her roommate enters, putting on her earrings.]
Donovan: Enough with the drilling. We're third year. No more exams.
Masters: You don't have to face House every day.
Donovan: [pouring a cup of coffee] And after today, neither do you. Here's to no more coming home in tears.
Masters: It's kind of like coming to the end of an extreme roller-coaster. Even with the terror, nausea, and whiplash. I'm a little sad that it's over.
[Masters picks up her empty bowl and cup and the milk carton to put them away. Donovan sorts through some stuff on the coffee table.]
Donovan: Let's go. You got your procedure log?
Masters: Oh, I'm not quite done. I still have one more lumbar puncture.
Donovan: It's due today. Unless you want to blow off becoming a doctor and get another PhD.
Masters: I know. I'm gonna get it done.
Donovan: I thought you'd have that thing finished like six months ago.
Masters: I've been busy. Oh, come on, Cruz. Let me do this. I need it for my log.
Cruz: Wait, you aren't done yet?
Masters: I've been busy.
Cruz: What's in it for me?
Masters: The satisfaction that comes from helping out a classmate? [He gives her a “give me a break” look.] How about cash?
Donovan: [walking up behind Masters] Have you talked to House?
Masters: It's 6:00 am. He won't be in for a few hours. [to Cruz, whispering] I keep a roll of quarters in the car…
Donovan: I just turned in my log and guess what I saw. There's an opening in the Diagnostics Department.
Cruz: House wants an intern?
Masters: He's never had one before.
Donovan: You gotta figure he doesn't want an intern. He wants you.
[Opening Credits]
[Cut to the Diagnostics conference room. Masters enters. Thirteen is fiddling with a TV/DVD setup.]
Masters: Uh, you must be Dr… Thirteen.
Thirteen: Remy Hadley. Nice to meet you.
[The boys enter.]
Chase: You're back.
Thirteen: Hi.
Chase: Hi.
[She hugs Chase and Taub then turns to face Foreman.]
Foreman: What the hell happened to you? Why'd you lie about going to Rome?
House: [loudly, from his office] You'd lie too if you bottomed out, ended up in… drug rehab. [He takes some pills.]
Thirteen: Thank you, House, for respecting my privacy. What a perfect reminder that I'm back.
Foreman: I didn't even know you had a problem.
House: Loved ones are always the last to know. Loved ones and robotic, estranged ex-boyfriends. Our patient is Kendall Pearson. 16-year-old aspiring pirate.
[Thirteen passes out copies of the patient file.]
Chase: She's that Canadian kid who's trying to be the youngest person to sail around the world.
House: Collapsed yesterday during a practice run. Luckily for us, cameras were there. [He hits a button on the remote and an overhead shot of a sailboat with one person on deck comes on the TV.] Corporate sponsors want us to check that's she seaworthy before the clock strikes "you're too old to set a record." Gives us three days. [to Masters] You've still only got one, right?
Masters: Uh, last day as a student. Could be simple dehydration. She told the Coast Guard she had felt dizzy.
House: Pulse and BP were normal at the time of the rescue. It's not dehydration. What about your internship? You sign up this morning?
Masters: [quietly, just to House] Actually, I'm still deciding. [to the whole team] Uh. Maybe she had a seizure and that's what caused her collapse.
Thirteen: Coast Guard report says no sign of head trauma.
Taub: But what about her back? Look. [He replays part of the DVD] Right before the collapse, she hit the small of her back on the railing. Damaged adrenal glands caused adrenal insufficiencies, which caused the collapse.
House: Nice. Blood draws every 15 minutes for four hours. Let's track her cortisol. Masters, there's no hurry. There's no wrong choices. At least, that's what they tell people who make crappy choices.
Chase: What's with the sudden interest in her future?
House: [Sighs] You know, a blacksmith who spends this much time hammering out a new blade from raw Jell-O… gets curious about who ends up wielding it.
Foreman: No reason to be curious unless you're interested in wielding it yourself. You want her to intern here.
Taub: And you're considering this?
Masters: Before I make my decision, I still have one more LP I need to get. So I'd like to go to the E.R.
House: Thirteen, why don't you take Masters to do the blood draws. You can remind her about all the perks of working for me.
[Cut to Kendall’s room. Paige, her mother, is showing her pictures of the boat — sailing flash cards.]
Kendall: Behind the deck. Port side.
Thirteen: If her adrenal hormone levels are consistently low, we'll replace them. You'll be ready to launch Thursday.
[She starts to do the first blood draw.]
Kendall: Great. Inside cabin facing the bow.
[Kendall’s dad dashes in.]
Bobby: Sorry, K, I need to borrow mom.
Paige: The sponsors?
Bobby: No, Couric's people kicking up a fuss about rescheduling the interview.
[Paige leaves with him. Kendall looks disappointed.]
Masters: I can take over. [She shows Kendall the next picture.]
Kendall: Ceiling of the galley.
Masters: Right. The last time I was on a boat was my freshman mixer in college. I didn't so much mix as hurl.
Kendall: Too much to drink?
Masters: No, I was 13.
Kendall: And in college?
Masters: Yeah, I know. Weird.
Kendall: I was thinking "cool."
Thirteen: We'll be back for the next blood draw in 15 minutes. Unless, of course, you'd like to stay and continue bonding over your lost childhoods.
Kendall: Listen, I have a ton of prep work to do to be ready to launch. Is there any way
we can speed the tests up?
Thirteen: Mm, I'm afraid not.
Masters: Unless you're up for getting on a treadmill. We could stress her body. See if her adrenals respond. It would only take a half an hour.
Thirteen: All right.
[Masters’ pager beeps. She looks at it.]
Masters: It's about an LP.
Thirteen: Go. I'll handle this.
[Cut to Masters pushing open the door to a patient unit, walking quickly. She sees Cuddy, who is checking a clipboard at the nurses’ station.]
Masters: Um, Dr. Cuddy, can I come by your office later? I'd love to get some advice.
Cuddy: Uh, I-I'm in meetings all afternoon. Try me tomorrow.
[She starts walking away. Masters trots to catch up with her.]
Masters: Tomorrow? This is… this is my last day as a medical student. So I've got this decision to make. Probably the biggest decision of my career. Which means maybe the biggest decision of my life. Although, I guess, if I get married… Um, House has opened up an internship.
Cuddy: You do realize if you take it, he'll probably end up firing you again?
Masters: He's always hired me back.
Cuddy: And he'll continue mocking and insulting you whatever chance he gets.
Masters: It's certainly toughened me up. You're trying to get me to say good things about him.
Cuddy: No. I'm trying to make you make your own decision and leave me alone. Working with House is great. And it sucks. Often simultaneously. Most people can't work in that environment. Question is… can you?
Masters: Thanks, Dr. Cuddy.
[Cuddy gets on the elevator and leaves. Masters turns and runs down the hallway.]
[Cut to a treatment room. Masters enters as Cruz does the lumbar puncture.]
Masters: You paged me down here and now you're doing my LP?
Cruz: I got bored waiting.
Masters: It's been two minutes. This is your 11th.
Cruz: 14th. Listen, your roommate, is she hooking up with that resident?
Masters: I got to find House.
[Cut to Masters entering Diagnostics. The blinds in House’s office are drawn. She peeks in. There’s a note “Masters — I’m in the ER — House” standing on his desk. A chicken clucks. A red chicken that is standing on House’s desk, next to the note. She looks confused as she drops the blinds.]
[Cut to the ER. As Masters approaches a curtained patient bay, Thirteen can be heard.]
Thirteen: Rehab? Great cover story. Now I can't ever drink around those guys again, thus eliminating my main bond with Chase.
House: Save the attitude for someone who didn't just get you your medical license back. Price you pay.
[House pulls the curtain back.]
Masters: There's a chicken in your office.
House: No, there isn't.
Masters: You lied about rehab?
Thirteen: Oh, great.
House: Relax. She's completely honest, but also completely boring. Watch this. Don't tell anyone.
Masters: Of course not. [Thirteen leaves. Masters looks into the patient bay.] You did an LP? Why didn't you page me?
House: Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to do one of those? You should've spoken up. You want the job or not?
Masters: Um, I… after careful consideration, I have decided to accept your offer for an internship.
[House hand her his cane and pulls a pen out of her lab coat pocket. He writes in her log and hands it back to her.]
House: Great. My department has a slightly different procedure log.
Masters: Uh, you forged the last one. I only did nine LPs.
House: Do you know how to do an LP?
Masters: Of course.
House: Do you know how to do nine LPs and say it was ten? It's time to grow up. Turn that in, the job's yours. [Her pager beeps] Stop staring blankly and go. No doubt something horrible has just happened to our patient.
[Cut to the team walking down the hall.]
Thirteen: Her hand turned completely blue during the treadmill test. We put her on vasodilators. Restored enough blood flow so she won't lose any fingers.
Foreman: Rules out adrenal insufficiency. [They reach the Diagnostics office.] Where's House? He said to meet him here.
Masters: His chicken's gone.
Chase: Probably on the balcony.
Masters: You knew he had a chicken? How come—?
House: Down here! [House is by the elevators. He’s looking at the floor and taking baby steps.] Loss of consciousness plus she's slowly turning blue. Can we rule out magical gum?
Chase: Low cardiac output can cause both. Patient possibly has cardiomyopathy. Possibly caused by Mercury poisoning from all the tuna fish she eats at sea.
[House has a stamp on the bottom of his cane. He is printing chicken footprints on the floor. He re-inks the stamp.]
Masters: Uh, why are you putting, um, chicken footprints on the floor?
House: That clever bastard Wilson got a hold of an Australorp.
[They all look confused. Masters tries to pretend she understands.]
Masters: Ah.
House: Hello? The quietest and calmest of all the chickens.
Taub: Damn him. Mercury poisoning is out. Red blood cells have normal morphology.
[House checks his handiwork. The prints are in a straight line, coming from Wilson’s office.]
Thirteen: Raynaud's. Vasospasm in the ulnar artery would explain the hand.
Foreman: But not the loss of consciousness. Cerebral vasospasm explains both.
House: Cerebral vasospasm makes sense. Take Thirteen. Give the patient a calcium channel blocker infusion in the basilar artery. [He sees the log in Masters’ hands.] Masters. I thought you were going to turn that in.
Masters: Um, I, um, been busy with my patient.
House: You're not busy now. [Standoff. She leaves.] Bawwwwwwk bawk.
[Cut to the hallway outside the Office of Medical Education. Masters stands there, toying with her log. She sighs and turns away. She bumps into her roommate. They walk down the hall together.]
Donovan: Masters. Still haven't turned in your log?
Masters: Still haven't gotten my tenth LP.
Donovan: I was thinking maybe you should take House's internship.
Masters: First you act like it's the equivalent of volunteering to be waterboarded and now you're supporting it?
Donovan: You're weird. You make paper airplanes for fun and hang them from the ceiling. You have a membership to the Einstein Museum and an overbearing obsession with facial symmetry.
Masters: It indicates freedom from disease. We're biologically programmed to—
Donovan: The point is you rub people the wrong way. But House is okay with your lack of bedside manner. He's okay with your willingness to argue any point with anyone even if they outrank you. He's okay with your peculiar fashion sense.
Masters: It's peculiar?
Donovan: House doesn't think you're weird, which is weird, but good weird. [She looks past Masters.] Is that a chicken?
[Masters turns. There’s a white chicken in the hallway.]
Masters: I think it's an Australorp. I'm gonna go check on my patient.
[Cut to a treatment room. Thirteen and Foreman are treating Kendall.]
Masters: Can someone please explain to me what House and Wilson are doing with those chickens?
Thirteen: They have a bet to see who can keep a chicken in the hospital the longest without getting busted by security. Advancing past the vertebral artery.
Masters: And why are they doing this?
Foreman: The place they bought them only had one pig. I'm glad you're gonna be sticking around after today.
Masters: Really? You want me to stay?
Foreman: It's good to add a different perspective to the department. Someone who still remembers there are rules other than House's.
Masters: If I don't play by House's rules, he won't let me in.
Foreman: Find a way around them.
Masters: I'd have to lie to him, which is still lying.
Thirteen: Lying about a lie, that's practically telling the truth. Catheter's in. Start the calcium channel blocker drip.
Masters: Means I need another LP.
Thirteen: Luckily, I know where you can get one. [to Foreman] You good here? [to Masters] Let's go.
[Cut to Masters giving Thirteen a lumbar puncture.]
Thirteen: Mm. Decent stick. Very smooth.
Masters: Sounds like you've had a few of these. Suppose that comes with the territory.
Thirteen: I have Huntington's. No need to get hushed and solemn about it.
Masters: Why are you lying about rehab?
Thirteen: Because the real reason I was gone is not something I want to share.
Masters: Couldn't you just say that? Should be enough for Foreman and the others.
Thirteen: [amused] How long have you worked here? House's people have personalities that range from nosy to "pardon me while I do this cavity search."
Masters: Do you think there's room for someone who does things differently?
Thirteen: No. Not unless House decides that's what he wants.
[Cut to House’s office. Foreman is showing House a radiology film.]
Foreman: During catheter removal, I got a good look at her cerebral midline. Pineal gland is calcified.
Thirteen: Case closed. I'll start her on hormone therapy. Ship her out. [She starts to leave.]
Masters: I handed in my log.
House: On your way to do that, did you happen to stop and give Thirteen an LP? Thirteen's stiff gate, small pupils, and the raging headache she's hiding gave you away.
Masters: Yes. And I still broke a rule.
House: My rule. Told you to defy the man. Not this man.
Masters: Why is it so wrong that I don't like to cheat?
Thirteen: Can we go?
House: No. Not liking it is fine. Not doing what you don't like makes you an eight-year-old. Wastes your potential. [He sits at his computer and starts typing.]
Masters: You want me to be like you. It's not going to happen.
House: That's the last thing I want. 'Cause then neither one of us would be exceptional.
Masters: You think I'm exceptional?
House: Not anymore.
Masters: I can do my job without compromising.
[He clicks the mouse and turns to face her.]
House: No, you can't. 'Cause I'm not gonna let you. Internship's gone. It's time for Masters to say good-bye. Enjoy being a surgeon. You'll be fine.
[Cut to Masters’ bedroom, the next morning. The alarm rings. Masters turns it off, clears her throat and starts her morning routine.]
Masters: Surgery. Anatomy. Branches off the subclavian artery. Vitamin C and D. V-I-T. Vitamin. V: Vertebral. I: Internal carotid — internal thoracic. Internal thoracic. T: Thyrocervical. C: Costocervical.
[Cut to Masters standing against a wall, smiling. A camera snaps. She takes a few steps forward and looks at the computer where her hospital ID is being made.]
Masters: Martha M. Masters. That's me. I'm gonna be a surgeon.
Guard: Next.
[Cut to the area outside the OR.]
Simpson: Welcome to your surgical internship at P.P.T.H. The senior residents stand behind you. We'll all get to know each other soon enough. Grab a donut and get to work.
Resident: We're out of donuts.
Simpson: Then, uh, get to work.
[Cut to the OR. Masters is in the back row, observing Simpson work.]
Simpson: Little oozing. Isolated the left subclavian.
Resident: Suction.
Simpson: You got to do better than that. Can't see a thing.
Masters: Push calcium chloride. It will supercharge the platelets and increase the clotting.
Simpson: Two amps calcium chloride. Tell the blood bank to set up three units of packed red cells. Field is clear. Nice.
[Cut to the OR prep room. Masters is reading the surgery schedule on the wall. Simpson comes out.]
Simpson: Generally speaking, pledges aren't supposed to talk unless they ask a question. That's because, generally speaking, pledges don't have anything to say.
Masters: Um, K.P. Is that patient Kendall Pearson? I thought she was discharged.
Simpson: Mm. It's a House case. I never know what that guy's up to. I want you to scrub in on my lung harvest.
Masters: But it's my first day.
Simpson: Yes, I know. I was there. Be scrubbed and ready in 15 minutes.
[Cut to the area outside Kendall’s OR. Masters looks then goes up to the observation room.]
Masters: What happened? Last I heard, you were going home.
Bobby: Kendall collapsed in the parking lot. They're doing something called a "sympathectomy."
Masters: She must've had a hypertensive crisis caused by a neural overstimulation in her kidneys. So they're cutting the nerves. It's like cutting the gas line to an engine.
Bobby: Yeah, sounds like what Dr. Taub said. Said it's basic surgery, but…
Masters: It is. You should still be on pace for a launch in 36 hours.
Bobby: Her mom's packing the boat now. I'm supposed to pick up some dry ice. But…
Masters: Nothing you can do for her here.
Boby: [Sighs] Um… we're just trying to help our daughter reach her dream.
Masters: She's different. So you have to be different. I'll make sure she's okay.
Bobby: Thanks.
[He leaves. Masters’ pager beeps]
[Cut to Simpson’s lung harvest. Masters is in the front row, right at the table, this time.]
Simpson: You can see the full lobular structure of the left lung.
Masters: [Gasps] Bifurcate innominate artery. I've never seen one of those before.
Simpson: Hold this, Masters.
Resident: Rib spreaders.
Nurse Hoffner: You guys okay if I pull a circulating nurse? We got a train wreck in O.R. ten.
Simpson: You got it. Proximal end attached.
Masters: Can someone take the retractors from me?
Simpson: Not really.
Masters: I have to use the bathroom.
Resident: I know you're a rookie, but you got to be kidding.
Masters: I'm not.
Simpson: It can wait.
[She wiggles and whispers like a kindergartener.]
Masters: I'm gonna have an accident.
Simpson: Next one in line, grab it.
[Cut to the “train wreck in 10,” Kendall’s surgery. Masters charges into the room.]
Masters: What's wrong?
Foreman: Hypotension. Low cardiac output. Float the swan.
House: [from the observation deck.] Don't you have your own surgery?
Masters: I took a break. I told them I had to pee.
House: You lied. Small one. But it's a gateway lie.
Masters: I care about the patient.
House: Another lie. You care about being exceptional.
Masters: I told her dad I was gonna take care of her.
House: A third lie. Welcome to the slippery slope.
Taub: RA is 8. Equalization of pressures.
Foreman: Means she has restrictive pericarditis.
Chase: Add that to a calcified pineal gland.
House: When is a calcified pineal gland not a calcified pineal gland? I realize, technically, it's never, but—
Thirteen: When it's a granuloma. It's Wegener's. We should start her on steroids.
Masters: But she had a high CK. Wegener's wouldn't explain the—
Taub: Dehydration does.
Masters: Yes. But the calcified pineal could be sarcoidosis.
House: You had me at "I had to pee." But Thirteen's right. Start her on three fold immunosuppressants. Masters, if you want to fight me on this, fill out a consult form so you can stick around. Welcome back.
Masters: I'm not back! I'll just be staying for this case.
House: You got really good at this lying thing.
[Cut to OR scheduling area. Simpson is scrubbing up. Masters is holding a clipboard.]
Simpson: Hope it was one hell of a whiz.
Masters: I ran into Dr. House. He requested a surgical consult for his patient.
Simpson: House never asks for a consult.
Masters: Something about this case, he needed a little more help.
Simpson: First day of your surgical internship, you want to be loaned out to another department. Interesting career move. Drop the form by my office. Don't stay away too long. I'm already well on my way to forgetting you. [He leaves.]
[Cut to the locker room. Donovan and Masters are getting ready to leave. Cruz enters.]
Cruz: How about I take both you lovely ladies out for a drink?
Donovan: I'd love to. Except I think you're a cretin. And the last time she was at a bar was ballet class.
Masters: I didn't take — Oh. [snorts] That's funny. I'm gonna stay and run a few extra tests on House's patient. This one lab value doesn't make sense to me.
Donovan: You're back with House?
Masters: Mm. Just this one case. I'm not staying.
Cruz: I would kill for a chance to work with him. Like, literally skin you and wear you as a disguise.
[They both stare at him and walk out.]
[Cut to Pathology. Masters is alone, running tests.]
[Cut to Diagnostics conference room. Masters settles down at the table with some books. She starts when a chicken clucks. She looks at House’s office. There’s a cage on the floor, covered with a towel. She sits starts working, ignoring the clucking.]
[Cut to Masters’ lying on the floor, a large book open on her chest. A door opens. Wilson sneaks into House’s office. Master’s props herself up on her elbows. Wilson sees her. They wave. He seems to consider saying something then changes his mind and uncovers the cage. Inside the wood and wire cage there is a yellow bird-shaped thing with a speaker hung around its neck.]
Wilson: Oh!
[There’s a clunking sound. Wilson goes to the door and rattles it. It’s locked and House is on the other side.]
House: You want yours extra crispy or original recipe?
[House takes off down the hall as Wilson tries the door to the conference room. It’s also locked. He thinks for a second then runs to the balcony. After a short battle with a tree in a planter, he jumps over the dividing wall and is gone.]
Masters: [sitting upright] Chickens!
[Cut to Kendall’s room. Masters enters.]
Masters: You ever get sick from poultry?
Kendall: Um, a few months ago from this pheasant-in-a-can my dad got me as a joke. You think that's why I'm sick?
Masters: I think that can was chock-full of a bacteria called salmonella enteritis. Likes to hang out in the bones. Let me know if any of this is tender or painful.
[She starts working her hands down Kendall’s right calf.]
Kendall: Um, this bacteria thing, is this good news or bad?
[Masters flexes Kendal’s ankle.]
Masters: Well, if I'm right, that means all you'll need are antibiotics. And you'll be, uh, well, shipshape. Sorry. Couldn't resist. Did you always know that sailing was it for you? That it was the right thing?
Kendall: Didn't even start till I was ten. And at first, I was not a fan. Certainly there's plenty not to like about sailing.
[She finishes the second leg and palpates Kendall’s right arm.]
Masters: But now that you're so into it…
Kendall: Oh, no, there's still plenty of things I hate about it. I hate being wet. I hate being cold. I hate eating nothing but freeze-dried food.
Masters: That is quite the endorsement.
Kendall: Sailing is amazing. But doesn't mean I love every second on the boat. Doing what you love means dealing with things you don't. If there were nothing to overcome, it might not be that— [Winces] Ow.
[Masters is working on her left arm, over the elbow. Kendall looks at her and she smiles.]
[Cut to Chase and Masters giving Kendall an MRI.]
Chase: Salmonella enteritis is a nice catch.
Masters: Thanks. Starting on the soft tissue windows.
Chase: Once this case is over, you going back to surgery?
Masters: That's the plan.
Chase: I think that's a mistake. I think you should go back to surgery.
Masters: I just said I was.
Chase: No. You said it was your plan. Which means House might be right. And you might be lying to yourself.
Masters: Would it be so terrible? You chose House over surgery.
Chase: My time here changed me in ways not everyone in my life thought was for the better. No masses. Moving on to bone windows.
Masters: Were those people right?
Chase: I think when you do change, it's not so simple to go back. There. In the humerus.
[They look at the image on the screen of Kendall’s humerus.]
Masters: Doesn't look like an infection.
Chase: That's because it looks like cancer.
[Cut to Kendall’s room. Paige and Bobby are there. Masters enters.]
Masters: You have lymphoid sarcoma. A cancer in the bone in your arm.
Kendall: Am I going to be okay?
Masters: It's a treatable cancer. But part of that treatment involves amputating your arm. I'm sorry.
Kendall: There's nothing else?
Masters: Um.… we can do chemo and radiation after the amputation.
Kendall: I don't mean after. I mean instead of. If I leave soon, I still have time to break the record.
Bobby: Honey, you can't be serious.
Kendall: I feel fine. Last night, they thought it was an infection.
Masters: We know it's cancer. We ran the biopsy three times.
Kendall: You don't know how fast—
Masters: Postponing the surgery could increase the likelihood that the cancer will spread.
Paige: Kendall, you need to think about what the doctor's saying.
Kendall: I'm thinking about the sail. Like I have since I was ten. Don't take this away from me. It's just a month. I can take extra precautions. I'll Skype you every day and I can fly back if something goes wrong.
Masters: She'll be risking her life.
Paige: I think we need to discuss this as a family.
Masters: You're considering this? Your daughter's condition—
Paige: Thank you, Dr. Masters.
[Stunned, Masters slowly walks out Paige closes the door behind her.]
[Cut to the hallway near Kendall’s room. Masters is waiting. She’s very upset. Bobby opens the door. Masters puts on a smile and goes to him.]
Bobby: She's not budging. She wants to launch tomorrow.
Masters: She's a minor. You sign the consent form, we can do the surgery. Amputation can be an emo—
Bobby: She's talked my wife into agreeing with her.
Masters: One parent's signature is enough. [long pause while she waits for him to agree] She needs you to be a parent.
Bobby: You're asking me to blow up my family.
Masters: I'm asking you to save your family.
Bobby: On her first solo Atlantic crossing, she scheduled a court date to become an emancipated minor. She'll do it again and she'll win. She is gonna do what she's gonna do with or without me. I'd rather have it be with.
[He returns to Kendall’s room. Masters turns and heads to House’s office. House is in his desk chair, holding a fishing pole with some white feathers on the end. A golden retriever sits on the floor next to him.]
Masters: I'm stuck.
House: No, you're not. Case is over. You're back to surgery. [He casts off. The lure lands at Masters’ feet.] And fetch. [The dog runs to grab it.] Oh, that's a good boy. Oh, that's a good boy. Hey, good boy.
[House praises him in exactly the same voice he used when preparing Rachel for her pre-school exam. The dog brings the lure back to House who fishes a treat out of his shirt pocket and gives it to the dog. He also eats one himself.]
Masters: No one will stop Kendall's sail. You need to step in.
House: [reeling the lure back in] Sign on the door says I'm a diagnostician. Cool diagnosis means I'm finished.
Masters: She could die.
House: [casting off again] Pretty sure the law of the land states that everyone has the right to be an idiot. [The dog is staring intently at the lure. He starts to edge toward it.] Uh! [The dog stops.] I think it's the second amendment. Fetch! [The dog bounds after the lure.] Bring it here, boy. Who's a good boy?
Masters: You are constantly railing against hypocrisy, forcing people to face the truth. This time nothing?
House: [reeling the lure in] Yeah. 'Cause they faced the truth.
Masters: And made a decision that will in all likelihood kill their daughter.
House: I'm fine with that. I wanted a diagnosis. I got it. What do you want?
Masters: I don't want her to die.
House: Break the rules.
Masters: I can't.
House: So coloring inside the lines is more important to you than saving this girl's life? I was wrong about one thing, you are not exceptional. [casts off again] And fetch! Ho ho ho. Oh, that's a good boy. Good boy. Good boy.
[Masters stands there, shaking her head slightly.]
[Cut to Wilson’s office. There’s a knock at door. Masters answers.]
Masters: Dr. Wilson. Um, I'd like to get your advice about a cancer patient.
Wilson: Kendall Pearson. Oncology rounds. Everyone's talking about it. Oh. [Wh winces and reaches behind himself.]
Masters: Are you okay?
Wilson: Yeah, my back's acting up.
Masters: Oh. Um… so what would you do?
Wilson: I would keep trying to convince her to have the surgery.
Masters: And if she kept saying no?
Wilson: I would just keep— [winces] Keep — keep trying.
Masters: I know there's a chicken under there.
Wilson: Oh, thank God. It's pecked through one pair of my loafers.
[He pulls his chicken out and puts it on the desk. It clucks as it hops to the floor.]
Masters: So that's all you'd do?
Wilson: That's all you can do.
Masters: Is it? [Wilson grabs for his back again. There’s a loud chicken cluck. Wilson reaches under his desk, pulls out a red chicken and puts it on his desk.] Isn't that House's chicken?
Wilson: Disgusting beasts. I don't know why I ever agreed to this bet.
Masters: So call it off.
Wilson: And lose $20? Listen, House was in the exact same situation Kendall's in. He needed surgery, but he didn't want it. Once he was in medically-induced coma, his girlfriend signed the consent form as his proxy. They went ahead with the surgery against his will. Probably saved his life.
Masters: So she did the right thing?
Wilson: Depends on who you ask.
House: [unseen, from the hallway] Fetch!
[The dog runs in, grabs Wilson’s white chicken and leaves.]
Wilson: No! No!
[Wilson runs out after the dog.]
[Cut to the hall. The dog rounds a corner with Wilson in pursuit but he stops in front of the Diagnostics department as the dog heads around another corner.]
Guard: Excuse me. Who's responsible for this chicken? Does anyone know who owns the chicken?
[Wilson comes back. The red chicken has wandered out of his office and is standing in the hall.]
Wilson: [loudly and clearly] That bird belongs to… Dr. Gregory House.
[The chicken clucks as Masters watches it all then walks off.]
[Cut to Masters concentrating hard as she makes a red paper airplane. She flies it toward a chair where four or five airplanes have already landed.]
[Cut to Kendall’s room the next morning. Masters has an IV bag in her hand.]
Masters: You need to do this surgery.
Kendall: I will.
Masters: Now.
Kendall: We've been through this. I'm leaving today.
Masters: It's a stupid record.
Kendall: It's not about the record. I used to race against other people. I could have the slowest boat in the fleet and I'd win.
Masters: So it's about being better than everyone else?
Kendall: It has nothing to do with anybody except me. The other racers would think I was crazy. I'd set off on some tacking angle that made no sense to them because they couldn't see what I saw. I could sense the changes in the wind before they even happened. At the top of the game, you play by different rules.
Masters: [unhappy but nodding] Medicine's gonna burn a little bit. [She hangs the IV]
[Cut to Diagnostics. Masters is sitting at the table, tapping her pen impatiently. Her pager beeps. She grabs it and runs out.]
[Cut to Kendall’s room. Alarms are going off.]
Foreman: Bradycardic arrest. Third degree heart block.
Chase: Likely paraneoplastic syndrome.
Foreman: We need to get her to the O.R. For pacemaker or plasmapheresis.
[Masters sees Paige and Bobby coming down the hall. She grabs a clipboard from the foot of Kendall’s bed and goes to meet them.]
Paige: What's going on?
Masters: The cancer is causing her heart to slow down. We have to get her to the O.R. and treat her. This is what I was worried about. If this had happened at sea, she would be dead.
Paige: Oh, my God.
Masters: We need you to sign the consent form. Authorize us to amputate her arm.
[Bobby and Paige look at each other. Paige nods. Bobby takes the clipboard and signs. Masters exhales audibly.]
[Cut to Masters running into the OR.]
Chase: Subclavian access established.
Taub: Temporary pacer ready.
Masters: Don't need it. Push calcium chloride. It'll fix the heart block. Bradycardia was me.
Thirteen: You did this?
Masters: Parents signed the consent form. Amputate her arm.
[The look at each other and get ready.]
[Cut to Kendall’s room. She wakes up.]
Kendall: What happened?
Masters: You had a cardiac episode that required us to bring you into the O.R. That crisis resolved, but—
[She looks and sees that her arm was removed above the elbow. The stump is encased in gauze.]
Kendall: What did you do? What did you do?
Masters: During surgery, we found cancer in a lymph node in your neck.
Kendall: So you cut off my arm?
Masters: Cancer was already spreading. It had to be done.
Kendall: [Crying] I told you I didn't want this.
Masters: If we had waited until after the sail was over you would have died.
Kendall: [Crying] That record. That was everything.
Bobby: It wasn't everything. You have a life. A future.
Kendall: You weren't supposed to do this. How could you?
Paige: Because we love you.
Kendall: I hate you. I hate both of you.
Bobby: Okay.
[He puts his hand on her head to comfort her. She looks up at him. He hugs her. Paige is next to him with her hand on his back. Masters turns to leave.]
Kendall: My arm. My arm.
Paige: Dr. Masters, thank you.
[Cut to Masters lying awake in bed in the dark. Her alarm rings. She doesn’t move.]
[Cut to House entering his office. Masters is sitting on the ottoman with her chin in her hands.]
House: Someone has got their pouty face on.
Masters: I did things no doctor in their right mind would do.
[He drops his backpack on his desk and pulls some cash out of his pocket.]
House: Good.
Masters: I manipulated, lied, forged, stole.
House: I don't want to know the specifics. Might be called to testify.
[He leaves. She follows, continuing the conversation as they walk down the hall.]
Masters: I broke the rules because I believed I was right.
House: You were right.
Masters: Then why don't I feel good or satisfied? Instead, I just feel like throwing up.
House: And you're following me to ask how I break the rules and maintain my rosy demeanor.
[He knocks on Wilson’s door.]
Masters: I didn't do it to be happy. I just thought I would be.
House: Well, you can't always get what you want. [Wilson opens the door and House hands him a twenty.] To the victor of the spoils. Your bird recover okay?
Wilson: Physically, yes. Emotionally, it was a long night. Next week: Ferrets?
[He closes the door.]
Masters: House. I can't do it. I'm leaving.
House: Surgery?
Masters: I… don't know what I'm going to do. But I do know I don't want to be here.
House: Nothing will ever be simple again.
Masters: I'm fine with that.
[She turns away and walks down the hall, crying a little, head held high. “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” starts in the background.]
Masters: Ooop.
